For several years I yearned to be a YouTube influencer. I created a channel and I really wanted to get monetized.
I wanted to create another source of passive income for our family. I want to secure our family financially.
After trying it on and off for 4 years I have finally created a video that allowed me to hit YouTube's paid partnership program.
I was so ecstatic!!! Over the moon!
let me tell you though about the video that received 42,000 views.
I saw a Filipino guy on YouTube who lives in Canada and his video about "the toxic traits of Filipinos" and I saw how it got 32,000 views in just two days and so I decided to copy him and used the same topic and I was thrilled to see the views go up and up and up!
It only took a week after uploading that video that I hit YouTube's paid partnership program.
For the next 2 months all I could think about is YouTube and creating content. I have enough self awareness though to witness myself obsess about my channel and my stats (number of likes, views and comments) and I know that it is causing me to lose peace and serenity but I carried on and continued to push myself to produce content even when I am already tired from working all day.
My channel was growing but I am not at peace.
Until one day I have had enough of my suffering!
God then showed me a video of Aaron Kim and his story of how Jesus healed his anxiety and depression and that was the beginning of me learning how to truly die to self and surrender my life to God.
From that day I stopped having the desire to upload anything and it is because God is changing my desire from what I want to wanting what Jesus wants for me.
After about two weeks of being absent from YouTube content creation I saw an email from YouTube saying that I no longer meet their standards and taking back my channel's ability to monetize.
I felt a bit disappointed but at this point I am keeping my eyes on God and believing that whatever happens it is up to Him and I am trusting that perhaps there's something about that channel and the content I have produced that does not meet God's standards in order for me to fully serve Jesus.
I reached out to YouTube and they pretty much told me that my monetization has been denied, I accepted it as a big sign from God. I am believing and trusting that God ordained this to happen so that I can fully make Jesus the center of my life.
What is interesting is that I already went through the process of YouTube reviewing and approving my monetization abilities and after two months, just as when Jesus is helping me die to self then all of a sudden YouTube decided to take my monetization approval back and deny me!
You see, we really need to trust God's plan! He only truly wants what is best for us but our sense of self has other plans and we are so ignorant and unaware that we truly do not know what is best for us!
As long as we continue to control our life we will also continue to fail and suffer.
I also realized that disappointment is not real...not if you believe in God's perfect plan...not if you truly surrender your life to Jesus and trust Him to take the wheel!
THY WILL BE DONE is what I keep saying and praying throughout the day.
We only experience disappointments when we are focused on our own desires, the outcome we want to experience, for things to happen according to our own desired timing but we are not God!
God is the master creator and director.
Psalm 37:7-9 says "Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Do not be preoccupied with an evildoer who succeeds in his way."
And Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit your works to the Lord [submit and trust them to Him], And your plans will succeed [if you respond to His will and guidance].
From here on out I am trusting God for every single thing that happens to me as divine and ordained by Him.
There's no coincidence...everything is according to God's perfect plan and the plan does not have to be for my good! It only needs to be God's plan!
I just need to surrender and humble myself to God our Father!
I am telling you that this way of living is the best way of living!
I have tried different ways of doing life which mainly is the kind where I try to be in control and focused on improving and protecting "My Self" and I always end up suffering.
John 6:35 says "I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."
John 4:31-34 says "Jesus said that his nourishment came from doing the will of God, which was to spread the news of his Father's love."
-Jennifer
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